Milonga Etiquette

As one continues to attend milongas and other tango-related social events, one might notice there are silently followed rules that one who is a beginner to tango social events may not know what those guidelines are and how to implement them. Here is compiled an overview of the etiquette at tango social events and milongas.

This is not an exhaustive list of all unspoken rules & etiquette for milongas and is heavily influenced by First-world milonga culture and will be updated as needed

To cover our bases, the etiquette lists and expansions listed are generally compiled from observation and from many, many readings of other blogs and books on social argentine tango. Between friends and relaxed personalities, these concepts are variable and dependent on the environment and dance partner. Do keep this in mind if you see others or your dance partner "breaking" these concepts unless they are being excessively rude. Use your best judgment :)

Context for Appropriate Etiquette

There are some unique characteristics of etiquette in the tango world. Generally, they require some context to be aware of, and take some time to fully implement.

A big distinction of tango etiquette will be the cabeceo. The "cabeceo" which literally translates to "nod of the head". Functionally the cabeceo is when someone makes eye contact (called the "miranda" which translates to "making eye contact) and indicates to the floor to see if you will acknowledge them to dance. If you tilt your head back or otherwise acknowledge their cabeceo then you will make your way over to each other and the leader will guide the couple to join the tanda. This traditionally was meant to prevent bruised egos from walking across the floor and getting rejected for a dance and a way for followers to reject a dance for any reason without feeling undue pressure. Additionally, try not to verbally ask someone to dance. People typically won't be offended if you do it politely at international milongas( however in Buenos Aires local followers may reject you for that alone and if they would like to dance with you they may ask you to go back to your seat and cabeceo them instead), especially if they know you are new to the scene. It may feel awkward to acknowledge or attempt the cabeceo, and there may be unintentional mishaps but as long as you keep in a polite, friendly, and open mind this process will get easier with time.

Try not to dance with the same person more than one or two tandas. Traditionally, dancing with one partner a majority of the milonga indicates some level of romantic interest or that you will only dance with that person and close yourself off from dancing with others. Keeping it to one or so dances per partner is a way for others to see that you are open to dancing with new people. This traditionally and culturally expected in Buenos Aires milongas compared to international milongas which may have a bit more flexibility. Exceptions can be close friends, a committed dance partner, or your romantic partner.

When attending an milonga, do not teach while dancing. It can be interpreted as impolite and dangerous to the person you're dancing with and others around you if you start teaching on the floor. Particularly because your dance partner accepted or asked you to dance in a social setting; interrupting the dance to correct or critique the other person is disrespectful to your respective skill levels and especially at a more formal social event like a milonga rather than a class/practica where teaching and polite critique is not only common, but expected. It can also be dangerous as if you're teaching and stop in the middle of the floor where everyone is dancing in the ronda(counter-clockwise dancing to keep movement flowing) and the pair dancing behind you will have to avoid you or risk running into you and your partner.

Another feature is to not talk during a tanda. Usually, many people would like to dance appreciating the music and their connection to their partner rather than talking. Trying to talk when your partner is trying to enjoy the music is off-putting and can prevent them from wanting to dance with you again. However, it is common to make conversation between dances in the tanda(typically chatting or giving compliments for a few seconds in-between dances), in the cortina("curtain" or 30 second "palate cleanser" of music between tandas) and when you are taking a break from the floor. Conversation at the appropriate time can help people connect with you and encourage friendships

Appropriate Etiquette for Leads & Follows

• Use the cabeceo when asking someone for a dance

• Be mindful of respectful hygiene - clean clothes, fresh breath, minimal scent

• Dress appropriately for the milonga (check out the "How to Dress for Tango Social Events" post for more information)

• Do not talk while dancing

• Do not correct your dance partner while on the floor

• Dance the entire tanda with your chosen partner unless uncomfortable or respect is broken

• "Thank you" generally means there is an intention to end the dance so use it sparingly

• "Thank you" is also used politely at the end of a tanda when the couple has finished dancing

• If you make mistakes often during the dance, try not to continuously apologize while dancing it distracts from the dance and doing your best

• When a collision is made with another couple on the floor, do apologize even if it wasn't your fault

• Be polite and extend kindness to beginners at all times, it only takes one bad experience for someone to leave the community forever

• Compliments are a lovely way to increase the enjoyment of your partner

• Dancers have the right of way when entering the floor

• Dancing happens in a ronda, always counter-clockwise around the floor. Typically experienced dancers will dance in the outermost lane(rotating the closest to the surrounding tables) and beginners or those that want to take up a larger amount of space will dance in lanes closer to the middle or the middle of the circulating ronda.

• Do not talk to other dancers while they are on the floor, the tanda is between you and your dance partner and for them and their partner

• Exercise empathy and respect when both asking and rejecting a dance

• Do not walk straight through the dance floor, skirt around the edges so as not to interrupt those who are currently dancing.

• It is polite to escort your dance partner onto and off the floor, do not leave your partner behind on the dance floor when you leave Appropriate Etiquette for Leads

• Be aware of the follow's cues when asking for a dance(resting, having their dance shoes off, conversing without looking around, avoiding your cabeceo)

• Enter the dance floor between songs of the tanda, gap between dancers, or make eye contact with the oncoming lead if possible for them to give you an indication that you can safely enter the dance floor ahead of them

• Respect the space of other dancers, ronda, and lane; manage your space and do not lead high-risk movements(boleos, ganchos, colgadas) without the appropriate area to do so.

• Maintain appropriate spacing between the couple in front and behind you in the ronda and try not to weave between dance lanes

• Wait for a follower to exit the dance floor before asking them to dance either using the cabeceo or verbally

• Do not lead steps or skills that are beyond the follow, it is impolite and unnecessary

• Be aware of the type of embrace the followers is comfortable with and do not force an embrace they are uncomfortable with

• Tango can certainly is a place to meet people for social and romantic relationships, however, it is not a space to be inappropriate or to take advantage of the close embrace that tango can have

• Adjust for the follower if they do not react to a lead the way you intended to lead. Forcing the follower to do a movement over and over again if it is clear they do not know the movement is rude and can lead to unpleasant feelings. It can also interrupt the flow of the ronda

• Try not to take backward steps against the counterclockwise flow of the ronda or sideways into a different dance lane as they are blind steps and may run you into the space of another couple Appropriate Etiquette for Follows

• Adapt to the lead as much as possible as they should also be adapting to you in turn

• As a follower you have the final right to say no to any dance - however be empathetic towards the lead as appropriate, as asking someone to dance takes courage

• Don't' back lead the leader, they create the framework the follower acts inside that framework

• Be aware of your embellishments or what your lead is leading, they may be dangerous to other dancers

• Followers may initiate a cabeceo by looking in the direction of the lead they wish to dance with however the guideline so being respectful and polite if the invitation is rejected or accepted apply here as well